Sunday, October 28, 2007

How To Write/Talk Like James Hartline 101

Want to learn how to write or talk like "ex gay" James Hartline? Just hysterically focus on homosexuality, and speak of yourself in third person as often as possible....I guess so nobody will forget his name? Let's give this a shot:

The James Hartline Report
(as if you really care)

Today, James Hartline decided that James Hartline wanted to go to the mall and find examples of the homosexuality which is plaguing James Hartline's city.

James Hartline thought Hot Topic would be the first best place to look, since James Hartline knows there's plenty of homosexuals there. Upon James Hartline's walking into the store, James Hartline noticed the pro-homosexual group Fall Out Boy was playing on the sound system. James Hartline took note to call Hot Topic's corporate office and complain, because James Hartline believes they shouldn't be promoting the homosexual agenda in their stores with this pro-homosexual music. James Hartline also noticed several "GLBT" rainbow items were available for purchase, such as bumper stickers and jewelry. James Hartline will complain about this too.

Then James Hartline passed Cinnabon. This made James Hartline livid, because everyone including James Hartline knows that all homosexuals are good cooks, and Cinnabon is promoting homosexuality by presenting fresh baked goods.


Next was FYE, the entertainment store. James Hartline found several CD's available which promotes homosexuality, including Kate Smith, Bronski Beat, Bette Midler, Spice Girls, Culture Club, Fall Out Boy, Clay Aiken, Madonna, Erasure, Cher, Diana Ross, Judy Garland, Jamiroquai and High School Musical. James Hartline was surrounded in a concert of homosexuality in FYE. What made James Hartline even more upset was the movie selection that James Hartline browsed through, of which 95% has the potential to indoctrinate children into homosexuality.

James Hartline became dizzy, and then James Hartline had to get something to drink at Orange Julius.

James Hartline knew something was wrong at the juice station, because they offered pro-homosexual flavors, such as blueberry-pomegranate, piña colida and mixed fruit. Homosexuals indoctrinate children with their healthy-conscious drinks which can be spiked with bee pollen, an ingredient that only homosexuals use. James Hartline was furious, and James Hartline will consider trying to have the Orange Julius condemned.

Over at Victoria's Secrets, James Hartline discovered fake breast enhancers - a common piece used by transsexuals and drag queens. Although the clothing is meant for women, James Hartline knows the secret of Victoria's Secrets is they also sell their clothing to men who dresses in these clothes. Nothing makes James Hartline angrier than finding a store which secretly caters to the homosexual elite.

James Hartline was also livid that none of the bookstores had any books on ex-gay reparation therapy. Remember that James Hartline successfully overcame homosexuality with Jesus. James Hartline was shocked that Waldenbooks had several pro-homosexual books, but nothing by Richard Cohen. James Hartline will complain about this, and James Hartline may also call James Dobson and CWFA for reinforcement. However, James Hartline may reconsider, if Waldenbooks offers James Hartline a table to offer James Hartline's signature on all bible purchases.

This is James Hartline, exposing the gay agenda with The James Hartline Report.


OMG that was fucking exhausting! And now Scott believes that Scott needs a nap!

1 comment:

ng1260 said...

The NGblog learned tonight that NG, the blogger behind NGblog, sustained a headache while reading this blog entry. NGblog hopes to provide additional information when circumstances warrant.

James is a couple of ingredients short of a blimpie sandwich.