Fundie Fun & A Surprise From Wacko Jacko

A little fun for your Wednesday.....

This comic is so true - those who spout anti-gay rhetoric, while calling themselves "normal" (in comparison to the gay community), ALWAYS looks like this bible-thumping kooky bunch.

Sorry guys; believe it or not, I consider myself WAY more normal than some miserable homosex-obsessed inbred hillbilly lunatic, whose 2 favorite quotes are "God hates fags!", and "If you can't fuck yer sister, who CAN you fuck?".

















This picture always cracks me up - the look on the female fundie's face is just priceless:


















Lastly, how would you like to wake up one morning, with this in your MySpace inbox?

Mollie & Pennie: Saga Of The Dirty Rawhide Bone

Being a "pet person", I enjoy hilarious pet stories, and my neighbor friends sent me some new pictures of Mollie and Pennie's hilarious Pyrenees antics from last week. My neighbor followed them with a camera all morning (when they're most hyper and acting silly), as what she described was a "saga" going on the entire time. It's too cute, and I have to pass their story along..........

The day before, Mollie was given a rawhide bone, and Pennie snatched it from her, and buried it outside. Pennie later dug it up, and had it while she and Mollie were wrestling around the next morning (and yes, Jaws has already gotten ahold of the corner of the stairs, as you'll clearly notice):

























Both girls are locked onto the rawhide bone, but Pennie isn't about to give it up. She was chewing on it in front of Mollie, and basically saying "it's mine!", like a kid would do.






















As she was leaving for work, my neighbor called Mollie and Pennie into the bedroom. At some point, Mollie quietly leaves the room, goes into the hallway, and scoops up the bone at the top of the stairs, where Pennie left it.

Realizing what she had forgotten, Pennie gets this "oh shit!" look on her face, and dashes away to get it. She didn't find the bone, but instead Mollie in the closest bathroom, sitting facing the shower, wedged in between a hamper and the toilet, where Pennie couldn't get around her, or anywhere near the bone (note: I'm not going to show off a person's toilet to the world, and erased that out LOL!).

All Pennie could do, was sit behind Mollie and sulk. Obviously the smaller the rawhide bone got, the sadder Pennie got. Awwwww........

































Too cute! If you're not a "pet person", or "dog person", you wouldn't understand!

All Mollie and Pennie posts

Pennie The Piglet Part II

Oh no she didn't! (continued from Part I)

My neighbors are smart to keep older covers over their bed!! Look at the mess she made!

All I can say is it takes a REAL "pet person" to deal with raising a Great Pyrenees. We can't wait until Pennie gets a little older and more laid-back and calmer, like Mollie.

But then again, it's pretty fucking cute and hilarious! They're only a puppy once, have fun with it while it lasts....and if that's not enough, they're considering adopting one last Great Pyrenees, preferably a baby male Pyrenees puppy (a little younger than Pennie, when she was first adopted).

Pennie The Piglet Part I

As I've mentioned several times, my Pyrenees puppy neighbor friend, Pennie, is bad about getting into dirt and mud. My nickname for her is "piglet", and she's worse than Pig Pen from the Peanuts comics.

On Saturday, we had a pretty bad thunder and hail storm - and Pennie obviously had a ball afterwards! My neighbors sent these to share, last night - her muddiest yet! And it gets much worse; I had to split these hilarious pictures into two post volumes (Part II coming soon).

Poor Mollie! She could be bad when she was Pennie's age, but nowhere near as filthy as this little piglet. Even worse that when Pennie gets dirty, she wrestles with Mollie, and gets her dirty too!

New Mollie & Pennie Pix - 2/13/2008

Once again, more Mollie & Pennie pix:

























Pennie has the "begging" look down (learned from Mollie, of course).
























Cute!

























Pennie, once again filthy. When she plays outside, there's a good chance she'll get into dirt, mud, or both!

Smalltown Church Stories I

(another one from the original blog, similar to the Pentecostal Zombies trilogy - I'll have to someday soon continue this "series"):

SMALLTOWN CHURCH STORIES 1

From birth to high school graduation, I attended a smalltown baptist church, in which a good majority of my family also were members. There's so many things to tell about that little holy house of hypocrisy - the backstabbing and talking about other members behind their backs, among other things.

One young member, Kristin, who was a year younger than myself, was her mother's church talent puppet. Every few weeks, Kristin was forced to bring up her boom box to the front podium, and share her "talent" with the congregation. This went on for as long as I known the girl to be a church member; over a decade. And what a torturous decade it was......

There was only one problem: Kristin couldn't sing, to save her life. I'm not poking fun or being unnecessarily mean - the girl sounded like a dying vulture. Not a single note was in tune, or as Simon Cowell would say, "it was all over the place". Even William Hung was more tolerable, and I'm being dead serious.

The best description of her "singing style" is it sounded like she was reading the lyrics aloud as the instrumental music played along, with a nervous, scratchy and unsure voice.

When our pastor would randomly surprise us with the news of a performance on a Sunday, it was like the entire congregation who heard Kristin sing before had to brace themselves. When the music started and Kristin began her hoarse speak-singing, everyone was either stiff as a board, were sliding down in the pews, were covering their faces to hide their expressions, or were totally jaw-on-floor with horrified looks on their faces.

Many church visitors who showed up for one of her many, many performances never came back - and I don't blame them.

One Sunday, Kristin (or should I say her zombie homely Crystal Gayle with no makeup mother) selected the tune "Silver And Gold" by Dolly Parton (not the song from the popular Rudolph movie). It's a performance even my brother remembers quite well and reminds me of from time to time, complete with an impersonation.

Her singing sounded like something had been shot, and was dying of agony.

I tried everything to get her ghastly wailing voice out of my head - from laying down in the pew and closing my eyes, to thinking of dead kittens and other horrible things, to keep from laughing.

With her grand finale of screeching "siiiiiiilveeeeeer aaaand goooooooolllld", I just totally lost it and burst out laughing. I was so embarrassed that I had to step outside and get some fresh air.

It's no surprise that Kristin packed her shit and fled from home the moment she was legally old enough to leave. I felt sorry for the girl, because she knew she couldn't sing, but was pretty much forced to perform anyway.

Had she lip-synced or something, it may have been a different story.

More smalltown church stories later..........

What Hell Is REALLY Like

(Here's an old favorite of mine from the original blog.....)

I think it's a good thing that people like Falwell, Chambers, Santorum, Harp, Wildmon, Bennett, Dobson, and these other wastes of flesh have hijacked and claimed Christianity for their own lunatic selves, with their own loony versions of Christianity; and they use it to chase people out of churches everywhere.

I hope this continues, because the loonier they get, the more people who will leave their nutty churches and seek alternate forms of religion and spirituality, or forget religion entirely. It's already happening, and Christianity will eventually become a minority - it's the reason why these nutballs are organizing more and getting louder and crazier (as if that's helping matters any).

These people go around screeching and telling 95% of the people they meet "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!", cursing them with fire and brimstone, no drop of water to cool their tongue, and all this other fucked up shit that could only be made up on an acid trip - which is pretty much spot-on, since most of these guys are obviously on some serious meds.

If you want to get people scared of going to hell (which doesn't exist, by the way), you need to REALLY scare them.

I personally don't believe in hell, but if I did, it would have nothing to do with fire, lava, screaming demons, Satan, and all these other doped-up crock of shit scare tactics.

To me, hell would be like.....

The only music available is country. And not just ANY country music - I'm talking about cousin-fucking redneck anthems like "Chatahoochee", "Watermelon Crawl", "Boot Scootin Boogie", "Achy Breaky Heart", "Strawberry Wine" and the complete Randy Travis catalog.

The only food is brussels sprouts.

The only alcohol is that cheap $6 Puerto Rican rum that'll give you a major fucking hangover the next day.

The only weed is shitty 5 year old stale shake, that won't even give you a buzz!

The only shows on TV are Friends, Wonder Years, Full House, and America's Funniest People (when Dave Coulier was the co-host).

The only movie playing is Brokeback Mountain.

All of the men are caucasian.

Now THAT'S scary!!!!!

The list goes on. I would much rather die and be bug food (the reality of death, and all that happens to you AFTER death) than have to put up with THAT bullshit!

Fuck that! And fuck hell!

Mollie & Pennie: New Pix 2/5/2008

Because Mollie & Pennie are some of my photogenic favorites, I'm going to catalog all of the photoblogs to the right side for quick access. In addition to those, I'll include any future pix posts. Like this one.....

Here's some newer photos of Mollie & Pennie playing and cuddling in a hallway at their home:

Fundies Say The Darndest Things

Take a look into the creepy minds of fundies and "christian" kooks, over on Fundies Say The Darndest Things - a website which collects some of the most outrageous and hilarious quotes from several of those kooks out there who profess to be "good christians".

After reading some of these "christian" lines from the "top 100 quotes" list, it comes as no surprise to me the reason why people are fleeing from the church and Christianity:

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."

This lovely quote is from that old nutball of a coot, Pat Robertson. You know, the same Pat Robertson who aired an "ex-gay" story on the 700 Club recently, which turned out to be bogus - not to mention the "ex-gay" was bipolar and had been kidnapped by those fundies.

Funny how he takes the things the "christians" are doing to minorities, and switching it around as if they're the victims.

As a YouTube favorite of mine, Crosis, said on this issue: "it's not persecution - it's called BACKLASH".

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

Maybe the reason why he's so secretive is because he has a mother who appears to be both a lunatic, and sexually interested in her own son.

"What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay."

Needless to say, the son of this woman actually took his own life. Wanna bet dear ol' mom was pleased as punch over it, so long as her son wasn't a homosexual?

"Masturbation can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that's not wrong. But most times, that is not the case. I believe that when one masturbates a high percentage of the time they are fantasizing about a sexual partner therefore making masturbation lust. Lust, as the Bible states, is a sin. But masturbation is something that people in general should stay away from because it's hard not to lust whilst doing it."

Ok, so let me get this straight. It's totally fine to masturbate while I'm thinking about, say, music shopping, the American flag waving in the breeze, or thinking about that delicious white-chocolate mocha I like over at Starbucks?

But I'll go to hell if I'm masturbating to a Mario Lopez-on-Scott fantasy? You're kidding! That's pretty fucked up! I guess I'm going to hell, then, because I'm going to stick with Mario - NOT "how pretty flowers are".

I personally don't find tulips and sunflowers to be all that sexually enticing - nor the prospect of owning a new pet. "Christians" might. Not me! Oh wow, am I SO never trading Mario for flowers or puppies.

"I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie"

D'oh!

"Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish."

The stupidity! The stupid stupidity!

"I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human beings (they're not even human, but only inhuman animals), since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?"

Wow! I know a few Atheists, and they are very much human - moreso than this so-called "christian" scum. It's not very "christian" to go around saying Atheists "have no value whatsoever as human beings". I thought Christians say EVERYONE is God's children, am I correct on that?

"The only solution we have to stop gays from recruiting other people is to cut off the source. They need to be taken to specialized containment centers where they will be forced to become straight and accept Jesus as thier savior and to repent from their disgusting, wicket, hatful, devilish ways. Those that refuse to go can either be forced, or banished from society in other specialized communities where they have no connetion to the outside world at all. Most would die of AIDS anyway. Anyone who refused any of the answers to make them better would have to be killed or banished."

It's not the gays who are doing the "recruiting" - it's people like THIS woman who's doing the promotion for the gay community. Everything else this crazy "christian" bitch said would disgust REAL Christians. And what was that quote from Pat Robertson which I posted above?

"I think there are a lot more cases of people being agnostic or atheistic, but then getting off drugs in order to become Christians. I don't know any Christians who actually do drugs. That to me seems like more of an escape from reality that non-religious folk tend to get into."

I don't know about you, but I know of thousands of so-called "christians" who would be MUCH better off on some kind of medications, or drugs. For one, every "christian" who I've quoted so far are shining examples of why some drugs are good - and honestly, should be mandatory, in these cases especially.

"You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian."

That about sums up most "christians" in name only, huh?

Read these, and more from the "top 100 quotes" list here

FSTDT: February 2008 quotes

Website: Fundies Say The Darndest Things