How To Deal With Men Part III

This is too fun - on with the third volume......

HOW TO DEAL WITH MEN, PART III

* THE TALL-TALE QUEEN *

Thank God for internet in this day and age; one of the safest ways to get to know men before you decide whether or not you actually want to go through meeting them in person.

But some of them are just too ridiculous not to turn down. You know, when they're so full of shit, you just have to meet them in person to see what they're really all about. I can't help myself!

One case in particular was this guy in his early 20's, who first claimed he owned a hotel chain. Unless his last name was "Hilton", I had my doubts. And then he owned a horse farm. And then he owned some then-current fancy new car. And then he owned a bakery, and he was the head chef. With each conversation, the guy piled on his "have's" just like Sally Struthers piles her plate at Thanksgiving.

Finally we met one weekend day, and I was proven right when he pulled up in some boat, some 1970's luxury car - probably older than me! He then tried to explain the car belonged to "one of his cooks". Yeah.

The obvious look of shock and disbelief on my face cut our conversation short, and I never heard from him again - until a year or so later, when some friends and I ran into him at a club. Of course he continued to pile on whatever new things he owned, and I had to leave.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm no materialistic person. He could have pulled up in some battered pickup truck in the first place, and I would have had no problems with it. As long as he didn't make up some tall-tale that he was going to be pulling up in a Porsche! If he's going to lie about the obvious things that I'm eventually going to find out, why should I believe anything from him that concerns a relationship?

Guys, come on. Unless you're trying to get your hands on some trifeling gold digger, why make up a bunch of bullshit to impress somebody?

* THE PSYCHO *

Out of all my dating experiences, this one probably takes the kooky cake.

I was asked out by this guy in his mid 30's, and we agreed to meet at a bar for karaoke night. I'm not a fan of karaoke in the first place, nor am I a fan of going to bars, period. We went, we had a fun time, and we sobered up at the local Denny's - the after-hours gay club hangout everywhere in the USA. After that, a hug in the parking lot, and we went our separate ways.

He called the next night, and asked if I wanted to go out again. Although I didn't want to, I did anyway. Same routine as the first night.

The third night, yet another call from him. He wanted me to meet him at the same place again, and I frankly told him I didn't feel like driving 30-45 minutes to get sloshed and listen to horrible singers for a third night in a row. He seemed disappointed, but accepted my decision.

Less than an hour later, he called again, and once again asked me to come out to see him at the bar. I told him "no". He continued to bug me, and I told him "no" every time.

Not long after that, another call. This time he was completely hostile, and fucking DEMANDED that I get in my truck, and be there by a certain time, giving me about 15 minutes to arrive; nowhere near the normal driving time to get to this place.

OK, VERRRRY important rule - I take requests, but NEVER command me to do something, like I'm your little kid. That doesn't go over too well with me.

Again, I told him "no".

He called back again, yelling into the phone. I hanged up.

He called again, to apologize. I told him I still wasn't going to the bar.

He called several more times over the next few minutes (none of which I answered), to the point that I had to pull the phone cord out of the wall. There's no telling how many messages he left in those few minutes; I didn't bother listening to them. Just "delete", "delete", "delete", "delete", "delete".

Surprisingly, that was the last I heard from him.

As much ranting as I'm doing, I'm sure several people who will read this can relate to these situations. Dating is one of the bumpiest roads in life, but it's fun, and can be fucking hilarious. Does it scare me off? Hell no! I love men too much to give up! It's just much better when you finally meet the rare guy who's laid-back and less, how do you say, FUCKED?!?!?!?

How To Deal With Men Part I

How To Deal With Men, Continued

How To Deal With Men, continued

Actually I had written a "Part II" on the old blog, on abusive boyfriends/husbands, but I've seemed to have lost it. Oh well - I'll repost if I ever run across it.

HOW TO DEAL WITH MEN, CONTINUED.....

After writing about my little experience from this past week, it got me thinking of all the other retards I've dealt with in my 10 years of dating and getting to know men. Unfortunately, many are best avoided (if like myself, you prefer drama-free relationships). What "OTHER" types of men are out there which I can discuss today.....

* "THE EX-OBSESSED GUY" *

When getting to know a guy, it's always good to hear about his previous relationships, and get to know what he's about, and where he's been.

One of the most frequent issues with men is they seem to be obsessed over an "ex", usually his last relationship. If the guy was burned, it's perfectly fine for him to get it off his chest and discuss it.

The problem begins when he seems to be more interested in his "ex" than he's interested in you. I've been on at least one date where all he talked about was his "ex". He loves the "ex", he hates the "ex". Oh, we can't go to this place, because it reminds him of his "ex". Oh, we can't listen to that song, because it reminds him of his "ex". Don't do this, don't do that, because it reminds him of his "ex". It can sometimes seem like his "ex" is on every corner - in the real world AND in his mind. In most cases, you'll frequently be compared to his "ex", to your face.

Just.....NO!!!!! Until this dumbass can get over his "ex", he has no business going out with you, or anyone else. Nothing is more inconsiderate than some guy casting you into his "ex's" shadow, of which there's really no competition. In 99 out of 100 cases, you'll lose. If the guy is actively pursuing the "ex" while dating you, it's time to send the guy home for good. Please don't waste your time!

* "THE BITCHY FRIEND" *

When you're dating a guy, at some point, you're going to meet his friends. And that's a good thing, because if you're planning on being around this guy often, you're going to have to deal with these guys too.

I had already been dating this police officer who recently got out of an abusive relationship (and the hilarious thing was HE was the abused!) for a couple months already, when he introduced me to his friends; and we all went out to dinner and an amusement park that night.

As much as I tried to have a good time with everyone, there was one little problem that kept nagging at me the whole time - a friend of his, who looked like that nelly queen from Queer As Folk (Emmett?). That skinny little bitch was staring daggers at me from the moment we met, until the end of the night. Everyone else seemed to like me though - it was just this one queen who had issues, and quite frankly, seemed hellbent on ruining everyone's fun time.

Surprisingly, I have good manners and I'm well behaved in person, at least around people I DON'T know (different story when we become close friends LOL). I didn't give this queen one reason to dislike me, but for some reason, it was obvious he didn't like me. I thought he had a wicked sense of humor, and of course I immediately liked HIM! I assumed it had something to do with him keeping an eye out for his formerly-abused friend - which shouldn't be a problem, because I'd never raise my fist or voice to anyone who doesn't do it to me first!

Our last stop of the night was this queen's house, and I had it all figured out by then: he was a bitchy, single, unhappy, prissy queen who isn't happy unless he's controlling his friends relationships, to his own liking. If the bitch has his mind set that he doesn't like you, then he's never going to like you. You can do backflips, or whatever for him, and still it's not good enough to win brownie points with this queen.

You'll be spending your time trying to please THIS bitch, when you should be spending your time on the guy you're dating. With some of these lonely queens, it's almost like you're dating them, and not the guy who you're supposed to be with.

For me, that's reason enough to kick the guy to the curb. But then again, I try to live life as drama-free as possible; and if your potential man has a good friend who will never accept you for whatever lame reason, then you need to send the guy back to his mom, I mean, his bitchy friend. If the guy won't step in, and tell his friend to back off, consider him a big-time loser who's not worth the effort. Why waste your time on THAT shit?

The funny thing is several years ago, I had a "bitchy friend" too. The bitter single queen was always on a mission to prove my then-boyfriend was cheating; even going as far as trying to seduce him, to prove he was a cheater! He succeeded in ruining that relationship, which he took great pleasure in. After that, I no longer told him the name, or gave him any info on any guy I was talking to. Of course this made him furious.

And guess what happened to him? Curb.

I'm just getting started.....stay tuned for "Volume 3"

More: "How To Deal With Men (Part I)"

How To Deal With Men, Part I

As some of my GLB readers may notice, this is another favorite from the old blog. I've been cleaning out some of my old Word documents, and have been running across these old posts, and wanted to re-print a couple. And the following project was one I liked enough, that I'll likely continue the "series" in the future:

I'm going to have some fun today, since I don't talk enough about one thing I (and surely many of my readers) love - MEN!

There's all types of men out there, but which one is right for you? Which types should you avoid, and which types should you stick with? A comical look at a few of them, based on personal experience and stories from friends and their experiences.....

HOW TO DEAL WITH MEN PART 1: "THE GIFT SHOWERER"

There's nothing wrong with doing the old-fashioned thing and showing up on a first date with a single rose or something cutesy like that. I personally think it makes a good first impression, and depending on the guy, could even score points with me!

But the problem starts when EVERY time you see the guy, several days in a week, he has something for you. A stuffed animal one day, a bouquet of balloons the next, and so on. The recipient of all this so-called "love" may possibly start to feel cornered, trapped, and absolutely drowning in love, hearts and gifts. And then they flee.

I'm saying this from experience, on both ends.

When I was first coming out at the age of 20, and being all idealistic about relationships with the first couple of boyfriends, I had done pretty much the exact same thing. Possibly one too many Hallmark cards and other surprise gifts were to blame for them getting overwhelmed and less interested in me. Oh well, live and learn. They were horrible in bed anyway, so no big loss!

A few years later, my past actions came back to haunt me, fucking tenfold! A blind date with a guy a few years older than myself turned into a situation similar to the song "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt.

The first date, got flowers - cute.

The second date, stuffed animal - ok.

Each additional date, something different. Stuff I didn't need, want, or could use (I later ended up donating most of the items, many still new and unopened). Even on that Christmas, I told him not to bring me any gifts, as I told my friends not to bring anything but themselves. And what did he do? He brought 5 gifts!

It was an overwhelming experience, and I had to break it off before it got any crazier. No matter how much I told him to stop bringing little gifts, he would continue anyway.

As if I didn't see it coming, the breakup was followed with him casting guilt at me, and whining "now I'm going to grow old, decrepit and single" (until, of course, somebody else after me comes along). The guy was only in his early 30's, get a fucking grip!

And the funny thing is we were only just casually dating, and nothing more. Nothing romantic, no sex, nothing that would make us seem like a couple. You would think a man would stop giving you things if he wasn't getting any in the bedroom! Not this guy.

The gift showerer types generally means well, but in many cases, their nonstop giving can be a sign of infatuation (especially if the guy is young, or newly "out", no matter his age). If you enjoy nonstop adoration and appreciation, more power to you. It could possibly be a good match in the longrun, once he gets past that nonstop gift-giving bullshit.

Some aren't as nice, thinking everything they give totals up and obligates you to them exclusively, and the two of you are going to be together forever. The sooner you can detect this type of guy, and get him out of your hair, the better. Because the longer it goes on, the more hellacious the breakup will be later on.

So for those of you out there dating and getting to know the mens, beware the gift showerer. Don't confuse this with the guy who surprises you once in a while with something. That's not the problem. The problem is when you receive enough stuff in a week to open a little store.

For those of you prone to being a gift showerer - STOP IT!!!!! If you want to make a good first impression, go for it. But just once! If things are going well after a few weeks, feel free to repeat. But don't you dare bring anything on the 2nd date! Unless it's a bottle of wine for the two of you to share, leave it on the shelf. Sometimes less is more; and the more you give, the quicker you may possibly scare off the object of your affection.