Sunday, November 4, 2007

How To Deal With Men, Part I

As some of my GLB readers may notice, this is another favorite from the old blog. I've been cleaning out some of my old Word documents, and have been running across these old posts, and wanted to re-print a couple. And the following project was one I liked enough, that I'll likely continue the "series" in the future:

I'm going to have some fun today, since I don't talk enough about one thing I (and surely many of my readers) love - MEN!

There's all types of men out there, but which one is right for you? Which types should you avoid, and which types should you stick with? A comical look at a few of them, based on personal experience and stories from friends and their experiences.....


There's nothing wrong with doing the old-fashioned thing and showing up on a first date with a single rose or something cutesy like that. I personally think it makes a good first impression, and depending on the guy, could even score points with me!

But the problem starts when EVERY time you see the guy, several days in a week, he has something for you. A stuffed animal one day, a bouquet of balloons the next, and so on. The recipient of all this so-called "love" may possibly start to feel cornered, trapped, and absolutely drowning in love, hearts and gifts. And then they flee.

I'm saying this from experience, on both ends.

When I was first coming out at the age of 20, and being all idealistic about relationships with the first couple of boyfriends, I had done pretty much the exact same thing. Possibly one too many Hallmark cards and other surprise gifts were to blame for them getting overwhelmed and less interested in me. Oh well, live and learn. They were horrible in bed anyway, so no big loss!

A few years later, my past actions came back to haunt me, fucking tenfold! A blind date with a guy a few years older than myself turned into a situation similar to the song "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt.

The first date, got flowers - cute.

The second date, stuffed animal - ok.

Each additional date, something different. Stuff I didn't need, want, or could use (I later ended up donating most of the items, many still new and unopened). Even on that Christmas, I told him not to bring me any gifts, as I told my friends not to bring anything but themselves. And what did he do? He brought 5 gifts!

It was an overwhelming experience, and I had to break it off before it got any crazier. No matter how much I told him to stop bringing little gifts, he would continue anyway.

As if I didn't see it coming, the breakup was followed with him casting guilt at me, and whining "now I'm going to grow old, decrepit and single" (until, of course, somebody else after me comes along). The guy was only in his early 30's, get a fucking grip!

And the funny thing is we were only just casually dating, and nothing more. Nothing romantic, no sex, nothing that would make us seem like a couple. You would think a man would stop giving you things if he wasn't getting any in the bedroom! Not this guy.

The gift showerer types generally means well, but in many cases, their nonstop giving can be a sign of infatuation (especially if the guy is young, or newly "out", no matter his age). If you enjoy nonstop adoration and appreciation, more power to you. It could possibly be a good match in the longrun, once he gets past that nonstop gift-giving bullshit.

Some aren't as nice, thinking everything they give totals up and obligates you to them exclusively, and the two of you are going to be together forever. The sooner you can detect this type of guy, and get him out of your hair, the better. Because the longer it goes on, the more hellacious the breakup will be later on.

So for those of you out there dating and getting to know the mens, beware the gift showerer. Don't confuse this with the guy who surprises you once in a while with something. That's not the problem. The problem is when you receive enough stuff in a week to open a little store.

For those of you prone to being a gift showerer - STOP IT!!!!! If you want to make a good first impression, go for it. But just once! If things are going well after a few weeks, feel free to repeat. But don't you dare bring anything on the 2nd date! Unless it's a bottle of wine for the two of you to share, leave it on the shelf. Sometimes less is more; and the more you give, the quicker you may possibly scare off the object of your affection.

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