Monday, November 5, 2007

How To Deal With Men Part III

This is too fun - on with the third volume......



Thank God for internet in this day and age; one of the safest ways to get to know men before you decide whether or not you actually want to go through meeting them in person.

But some of them are just too ridiculous not to turn down. You know, when they're so full of shit, you just have to meet them in person to see what they're really all about. I can't help myself!

One case in particular was this guy in his early 20's, who first claimed he owned a hotel chain. Unless his last name was "Hilton", I had my doubts. And then he owned a horse farm. And then he owned some then-current fancy new car. And then he owned a bakery, and he was the head chef. With each conversation, the guy piled on his "have's" just like Sally Struthers piles her plate at Thanksgiving.

Finally we met one weekend day, and I was proven right when he pulled up in some boat, some 1970's luxury car - probably older than me! He then tried to explain the car belonged to "one of his cooks". Yeah.

The obvious look of shock and disbelief on my face cut our conversation short, and I never heard from him again - until a year or so later, when some friends and I ran into him at a club. Of course he continued to pile on whatever new things he owned, and I had to leave.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm no materialistic person. He could have pulled up in some battered pickup truck in the first place, and I would have had no problems with it. As long as he didn't make up some tall-tale that he was going to be pulling up in a Porsche! If he's going to lie about the obvious things that I'm eventually going to find out, why should I believe anything from him that concerns a relationship?

Guys, come on. Unless you're trying to get your hands on some trifeling gold digger, why make up a bunch of bullshit to impress somebody?


Out of all my dating experiences, this one probably takes the kooky cake.

I was asked out by this guy in his mid 30's, and we agreed to meet at a bar for karaoke night. I'm not a fan of karaoke in the first place, nor am I a fan of going to bars, period. We went, we had a fun time, and we sobered up at the local Denny's - the after-hours gay club hangout everywhere in the USA. After that, a hug in the parking lot, and we went our separate ways.

He called the next night, and asked if I wanted to go out again. Although I didn't want to, I did anyway. Same routine as the first night.

The third night, yet another call from him. He wanted me to meet him at the same place again, and I frankly told him I didn't feel like driving 30-45 minutes to get sloshed and listen to horrible singers for a third night in a row. He seemed disappointed, but accepted my decision.

Less than an hour later, he called again, and once again asked me to come out to see him at the bar. I told him "no". He continued to bug me, and I told him "no" every time.

Not long after that, another call. This time he was completely hostile, and fucking DEMANDED that I get in my truck, and be there by a certain time, giving me about 15 minutes to arrive; nowhere near the normal driving time to get to this place.

OK, VERRRRY important rule - I take requests, but NEVER command me to do something, like I'm your little kid. That doesn't go over too well with me.

Again, I told him "no".

He called back again, yelling into the phone. I hanged up.

He called again, to apologize. I told him I still wasn't going to the bar.

He called several more times over the next few minutes (none of which I answered), to the point that I had to pull the phone cord out of the wall. There's no telling how many messages he left in those few minutes; I didn't bother listening to them. Just "delete", "delete", "delete", "delete", "delete".

Surprisingly, that was the last I heard from him.

As much ranting as I'm doing, I'm sure several people who will read this can relate to these situations. Dating is one of the bumpiest roads in life, but it's fun, and can be fucking hilarious. Does it scare me off? Hell no! I love men too much to give up! It's just much better when you finally meet the rare guy who's laid-back and less, how do you say, FUCKED?!?!?!?

How To Deal With Men Part I

How To Deal With Men, Continued

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